


mirage ; welcome summer love

by smoll_jane



Series: welcome summer love [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Summer, Summer Love, Summer Romance, struggling to come out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-03 00:56:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19453075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoll_jane/pseuds/smoll_jane
Summary: Minghao has this attractiveness he can't quite explain. Something reassuring, peaceful, magic. He doesn't seem real, and still, he's the realest Junhui has ever needed anyone to be.





	mirage ; welcome summer love

There was something unclear about him. This image, always blurred, never really reachable. Xu Minghao, in fact, was like a spirit. Never really belonged to reality, never really _seemed_ real.

So, when he disappeared, Junhui hasn't really been surprised. Disappointed, maybe, but not surprised. He knew it wouldn't last more than summer, knew that at the exact moment he would close the door of the car, it would be over anyway.

But still, it have been nice holidays.

~

It was Seungcheol's idea, of course. "To strenghten the troops!", he had said. "What troops?", had asked Junhui. Seungcheol had shrugged, and everyone got content of this answer. Who needs an excuse to spend a few days in a camping, with a group of friends, in a corner of heaven? Far from work, studies, problems. It had not been a minute until everyone agreed. Everyone except Junhui. Because some problems can't be left at home, keep clinging on you no matter what you do or where you go. How would he behave, in a place and a context usually leading to night-stands and excesses?

He didn't know, and still, he packed his stuff and climbed in the car.

"Mingyu, can you either shut up or turn the music lower?", yells Jihoon to overcome the deafening mix of rock and their driver's success stories. Mingyu hushes, opens his mouth and closes it like a fish out of water, looks in the rear-view mirror to catch Jihoon's smirk and finally turns the music off. Rule number one : never give Kim Mingyu two options when in fact you already know what you want him to do. Jihoon sighs deeply, already giving up on a silent journey, and Mingyu goes on with his tales. Junhui smiles, leaning his head against the window to watch the landscape running in front of him, and slumber slowly shrouds him.

He only realizes he was sleeping when someone shakes him by the shoulder, voice low and sweet. "Jun we've arrived, wake up." The sun is the first thing that hits him. Its intensity has nothing to do with the one flooding the capital. When he adapts to the light, Vernon and his smile finally appear too, standing next to the car, door opened. Junhui yawns, stretches his limbs and takes his seatbelt off. It's not been a second since he took a step on the land that a suffocating heat already invades him whole. It's gonna be long. Really long. The cars are empty, Vernon seems to be the only one to have waited for him. They take their bags and make their way to their assigned site. The crickets sing, a lizard flees under a bush, kids run and laugh. The old Junhui would have loved that. But for now, the only thing he can think of is the sweat running along his forehead and sides. "You mind if we sleep together?" Vernon kicks in a rock that skims on a few metters to finally take place next to thousands of other rocks. That's what Junhui should do. Mingle with the crowd and be like everyone else. But he can't help but feel like that cap, abandonned in the middle of the way. Standing out from the crowd. Vernon clears his throat, waiting for an answer. With an awkward laugh, Junhui gently slaps his shoulder. "Of course not. That's cool." _Normal. Be normal._ He slightly hums to the song playing far away, probably at the camping center. That's what he would've naturally done, last year.

"You've got a lot of work, right?, asks Vernon, genuine interest in his voice. "You seem stressed, these holidays will help you get some rest." Junhui nods, a small smile stretching his lips. A few gravels have entered his sneakers. It wouln't have happened if he wore sandals. Even this detail, he's unable to think about. He's got a lot of work, but maybe that's what helped him not turning crazy these last months. He almost begged his boss to keep him for the holidays, but "you're in the right to rest too! It's against laws to not give you holidays" was his answer. And Junhui paced in his apartment for hours, fighting to avoid a panic attack, racking his brain to find an excuse that never came. "Thank you, Sol."

Tents are already set up when they finally reach their location. Three tents, and far too many beer packs. Seungcheol is already blaming Mingyu for smoking, Jihoon is complaning about the fact there's no network, Soonyoung telling him it's normal for a camping lost in the woods, and Joshua, well, Joshua may be the only calm one, peacefully playing the ukulele and humming. Four days. He has to hold on for four days. They're his best friends, but still, Junhui can't help but feeling uncomfortable. "Come on, here's our tent", Vernon waves at him to follow, and he discovers his home for the next days. At least he's sharing it with Vernon. Out of his six friends, he is probably the one he's the less stressed to hang out with. His bag falls on the floor with a light sound, letting a thin red line on his shoulder, as deep as a bag containing a few clothes, a bottle of shampoo and a toothbrush can let.

"Let's go to the pool!", exclaims Seungcheol when he opens the door of their tent, a bright smile showing his perfectly aligned teeth. Everyone seems to be waiting for them when Junhui finally emerges, tightening his towel against his chest. It's too hot. His tank tops are sticking to his chest and back as well as his bangs do to his forehead. The soles shuffle on the gravel, the laughs rise between the trees, providing them a minimum of fresh air. They talk about work, university, friends, girls. _Girls_. Without this detail, Junhui could almost forget the burden on his chest, take part of the conversation, but the word triggers the pressure that sinks a bit more on his shoulders.

The swimming pool has nothing exceptionnal but abounds with kids, families, young people. The sun reverberates on the concrete floor, a scent of sunscreen, chlorine and ice cream floats in the air. There once was a time when he loved this perfume. The group spots a place to put their stuff down, and it doesn't take long before shirts fall on the floor and they rush to the showers. Junhui stands in the middle of the way, looking at his clothes, eyeing the pool and his friends. Not today. He'll try, later in the holidays. But today it's too much for asking. Joshua comes back to take his sunglasses off and squeezes his shoulder. "You don't come with us?" Water flows down his face and chest, already adorning the amber shade of sun, his hand leaves a wet mark on Junhui's shoulder. He shakes his head, fiddles his towel. "I think I'm a bit sick from the route. Tomorrow, maybe?" Joshua gets satisfied with this answer, gently pats his shoulder one last time and joggs to join the rest of the group.

Well. He has to find an occupation now. There's already a guy on the edge of the pool, fully dressed too, and maybe Junhui finds some comfort in the fact that he's not alone. He sits a few meters away from him, diving his legs in the freezing water, blessing the cooling it brings him. The bottoms of his shorts are slightly soaking too, but he doesn't care. He senses the other guy's look and slightly lowers the head, drawing with his wet index finger on the boiling cement. He dares a look on the side and discovers his neighboor of loneliness.

What first catches his attention is not the guy himself. Rather the aura he exudes, the chills it brings to Junhui's arms despite the heavy sunlights already reddening his limbs. He looks blurred, like a mirage, like the skyline above the killing desert. But then, he observes, notes how graceful he looks, how his index finger seems to prepare a magic potion as he stirs it in the water, slow spirals forming around it. A bucket hat hides his eyes, but he can see the jet black streaks escaping and the thin smile stretching his rosy lips. Crossed-legs, leaning forward to look in the water, he seems in his own world, to the point that Junhui wonders if he imagined his stare a few seconds earlier. Realizing he's been looking at him for too long, Junhui comes back to his drawing and damns the sun burning his nape. He should've taken a hat or stayed in the shadow.

"Seems like I'm not the only one avoiding the pool." Junhui startles, looks around, turns to the stranger. He's still turned toward the tiled bottom of the pool, but Junhui can clearly assume the voice came from his side. Could the smile have grown bigger? He clears his throat, wiggles his legs to chase the paralysis away and grips the pool edge to give himself strength. "Hum... yeah." That's all he can give. Not really useful, the grip on the pool. But the guy finally straightens up the head and he discovers his eyes. Deep, dark, sweet. Maybe Junhui looses himself in them for a second or two before he realizes the boy is smiling at him. He tries to do so, somehow fails and offers nothing but a wince, scratches his nape in embarrassment. The old Wen Junhui wouldn't have been so shy, the old Wen Junhui even would have made the first step to talk to this boy. But the old Wen Junhui is the old Wen Junhui, and the new one already feels his face burning up for a reason that has nothing to do with the harassing sun blowing on him. "You alone?" His voice is as gentle as a breeze on a summer night, his eyes sparkle with a kindness Junhui didn't know existed. He throws a look at his friends, far away, fighting and splashing each other. Jihoon is perched on Mingyu's shoulders to drown him, the four others boys playing who knows what game they invented today. They look happy. He turns to the boy, who's patiently waiting, and gives him a genuine smile this time, a natural and true smile. "No, I'm with my friends, over there." It sounds real. Maybe he can convince himself it's not as bad as he tried to make himself think. "And you?" The boy nods, dives a hand in the azure water, smiles at the tiny waves it causes. For a moment, Junhui can't take his eyes off, gets lost in the way his fingers caress the water, how his wrist angles in a way it looks like a dance.

"Junnie! Who were you talking to?" Junhui startles and comes back to reality when Soonyoung's frozen hands land on his shoulders from behind his back. His heart galops during a few messy heartbeats and he finally looks up to his friend, whose hair is dripping on him. He's about to turn to the boy again, to ask for his name, but the place next to him is empty. A few drops on the floor, where he was sitting, but nothing else indicating his presence. "Oh... no one." Soonyoung pats his shoulder and straightens up, putting his hand in a visor to spot their friends. "We're getting ice cream, you come with us?" Junhui nods and gets up, eyes dragging on the empty place for a few more seconds.

The ice cream is perfect. He listens to Jihoon and Mingyu arguing about why Mingyu should've let Jihoon the pleasure to drown him, Seungcheol talks about how their game reminded him of his last basketball play. It's the most casual thing and still, Junhui feels comfortable for a moment.

Later, they get back to their tents to wear clean clothes. Dress shirts, neat hairstyles, they look perfect for the party that will go on tonight. Junhui looks at Mingyu and Joshua's parade, both strutting in their brand new shirts, Mingyu wearing a useless pair of sunglasses. It has nothing to do with his own lack of care in his outfit. A baby pink t-shirt that falls on his elbows, a jean, and that's it. No one says anything about it. Just like no one said anything about his absence at the pool. Maybe they just won't notice his change of behavior, and that could be perfect. The beer they drink before going to the party tastes bad. Warm and acrid, it burns his tongue and throat when he swallows it with a fake smile. Just the word party is enough to make his heart beat faster, to throw knots in his stomach. Conceal appearances. That's all he's got to do. That shouldn't be so hard, right?

Lame joke. When the sun is down, replaced by the shining neons and when the alcohol flows, everything is scarier. Shadows longer, perfumes stronger, skins closer. All gathered around a table, it doesn't last long until glasses after glasses are emptied from weird beverages. Seungcheol leaves to the dance floor, quickly followed by Soonyoung, Jihoon and Mingyu. From afar, Vernon, Joshua and Junhui assist at the flirting process. Mingyu is the first one to find a partner, obviously. The old Junhui would've found her pretty, _attractive_. He always had similar taste to Mingyu. Now, she's _just_ pretty. Hopefully, the cocktail he's sipping on blurrs his ideas and he seems to loose the track of time and forget his fears. Until Seungcheol runs to them with a fluorescent smile and tugs on Junhui's sleeve. He points at a girl, afar, that is smiling at him too. "Jun, this girl over there, she wants to dance with you!", he screams to overcome the deafening music before leaving immediately to get lost in the crowd again. Someone could have kicked him in the stomach that it would have made the same sensation. His vision blurrs, his heart races. _I'm drunk_ , he thinks. _It can't kill me to dance with her, right?_ Waiting a second to see if his heart stops or not, he takes a final sip of his drink and joins the girl. "Hi." She smiles and takes his hand, leading him to the dance floor. She's a foreigner, has light brown hair, cute cheekbones and a beautiful smile, but Junhui's heart is not in it. He mechanically puts his hands around her waist, puts a fake smile on his face, moves along the rhythm. _Act as if she's just a friend, Junhui._ He somewhat relaxes as the songs pass, maybe finds some fun in the fact of dancing after so long.

It could almost have been a nice night if she didn't tug on his nape to bring him closer. He freezes for a second but his heart jumps at the moment their lips meet. It has no taste, doesn't make him feel anything but a massive stress. He breaks the kiss immediately and holds her by the shoulders. She blinks a few times, lost, the corner of her lips falling down. "You... don't want?" Her Korean is hesitant, the words are unsure. Junhui tries to control his heart, tries to keep it from tearing out of his chest, breaking his ribs and letting him for dead on this sticky dance floor. He shakes the head, mouthes _sorry_ in English, shakes the head again and again. "I can't, I really can't that's too much", of course she doesn't understand, he speaks too fast, too low, not really in the want of her to understand though. He leaves her alone and rushes to the table where Joshua has been replaced by Soonyoung. "I'm... I'm leaving I'm tired." He doesn't let time to his friends to reply and runs away. The party place may be outside, it's still suffocating. He needs space, he needs air, he needs solitude. He could almost throw up. The panic climbs on him faster than usual, he doesn't know how to deal with it.

It's almost like a liberation when he finally ends up alone on the gravel path, the crickets as only company. A rock kindly offers him a seat and he curls on himself, vainly trying to calm his poor heart. He thought he could fake it. Hide it. But it seems like it's impossible. His breathing slowly, as the minutes pass, slows down, and the grip of his arms around his knees loosens. The crickets song somehow rocks him, the night air fills in his lungs to give him what he needs to breathe again.

"Seems like you're not really into parties either." He startles, more violently than he should, and almost falls off his rock before discovering the boy from the pool. The moonlight surrounds him in a way that makes him look like an angel. Junhui blinks a few times, forgetting for a moment his preceeding panic, and is found unable to say anything. The boy's hair is free tonight, gently stroked by the light breeze, he's wearing a long dress shirt and rolled up jeans in whose pockets his hands are dipped. The same smile as earlier is painted on him, but when he sees Junhui's face –probably pale and anxious looking, it slightly fades and he comes closer, something indescribable in the eyes. Worries? Questions? Junhui can't tell, but the sight of it perhaps calms him a bit and he feels able to breathe again. "You disappeared", it sounds too much like a reproach. That's the only thing he can say and it doesn't sound how he wants it to. It should be more... gentle, more like a simple statement. The boy nods. The boy, the boy, the boy. He needs to get rid of this calling. Junhui clears his throat, aching from how strong it has been clogged for the past minutes. "I'm Junhui." The boy nods again, his smile takes the same soft size as before, digging dimples in his cheeks. He extends his hand, keeps it in the air, whispers "Minghao" and looks down on Junhui's hand. Oh. He gives him a handshake, smiles as well as the situation allows him to. His long fingers are soft, delicate. Everything about him is delicate. _Minghao_. Even his name. He repeats it under his breath, like a magic formula. Minghao starts walking, staring at the stars, humming along an imaginery melody. Junhui stands up and follows him. It doesn't spin around anymore, he doesn't feel suffocating.

"Why are you not at the party?", he can't help but ask. Minghao's smile turns in a grin as he quickly eyes him before looking down on the gravel. "Too many people. Questionnable music. It's much better here, don't you think?" Junhui nods, realizes how bright the moon is tonight, smiles. "And you? I've seen you going there, why did you left?" His heart skips a beat. Lying or saying the truth? Minghao is a stranger to him. "Too many people.", he pauses for a second, takes a deep breath. "Too many girls. Not enough boys." It struggles to get out, but it finally does. He didn't think it would be so easy and hard at the same time. Easy to say, harder to admit. It feels like once it's said, he can't step back. Tears are ready to make his eyes overflow at any moment, but Minghao chuckles and his smile _softens_ even more. For a moment, they walk in silence, Junhui doesn't even know to where. Their steps, the crickets, a few night birds, the muffled music, far away. Nothing more. Then, Minghao shrugs, chuckles again. "So that's why." It does something weird to Junhui. He can't put a finger on what it exactly is, but he knows it turns his stomach upside down. Minghao's laugh or maybe the kindness in his voice. The _respect_. No rejection, no disgust. He could almost let the tears do their job from relief. He wants to play it cool, laugh of it, but when he tries to joke, his voice cracks with a sob. "You're the first person I ever tell it to. And I've known your name for five damn minutes." He chuckles to hide the fact that he's holding his tears back, but Minghao turns to him with surprise in the eyes. He stops walking, puts a hand on his shoulder, makes him shiver. Junhui smiles but looks down, unable to hold the look.

"Hey, it's okay. I... I feel honoured to be the first to know. Don't cry please", the simple contact turns in a rubbing, Minghao tries to catch his gaze, smiling. Why does he always smile? It makes him want to cry even more. When he allows their eyes to meet, a sob mixed with a chuckle escapes as he sees the tenderness in Minghao's gaze. He'd like to feel embarassed, he'd like to run away, but Minghao wraps his arms around him and hugs him, holding him back. If it was anyone else, he'd have frozen, but strangely, because it's Minghao, he relaxes, allows himself to cry, hugs him tight. Funny how it's easy to trust someone he didn't know yesterday. The hug lasts, Minghao waits patiently, rubbing Junhui's back, blowing to calm him. The air is still heavy despite the light breeze, but when the break apart, Junhui feels cold. He wipes his face, smiles in embarassment, chuckles. "Thank you. For whatever that was." Minghao shrugs, and when he smiles, Junhui thinks _How can someone smile in so many different ways?_ "I should get going. Sleep well." He can't respond anything. Minghao disappears in the night, just like a draft.

He feels a bit lightheaded when going back to the tent. Can't really process on what happened. But did it really happen? Was it a dream? Is he already covered with his sleeping bag next to Vernon? That could be an option. But he opens the zipper and finds the tent empty, lies still fully dressed and falls asleep in the next minute, forgetting all the bad thoughts he had during the whole day to focus on the image of Minghao's smile. 

~

Seems like the bad thoughts weren't happy to be left behind, and they come to haunt him in his sleep, tormenting his dreams, making him wake up in shivers. He struggles to open his eyes, but when he finally does, Junhui discovers that the sun is already shining outside the tent, slowly heating it up. Vernon is sleeping deeply next to him, tightening his sleeping bag like a teddy bear, probably dreaming as his eyelids slightly throb. It's already too hot to go back to sleep, Junhui's too confused by his nightmares to fall asleep again. Silently getting up, he takes his stuff to take a shower and escapes the tent with no more sound. Joshua is already up, preparing coffee, and smiles at him at the second he sees his swollen eyes. "Bad night? You left early." Junhui nods, makes a vague hand gesture and Joshua nods. It's simple with him. No need for useless explanations, he never insists. Junhui yawns and shows his towel and clean clothes. "I'm going to the showers, don't worry if I'm late. See you later." Joshua waves, Junhui smiles, and he's back on the gravel path.

In fact, he doesn't exactly know where the showers are. Doesn't exactly know if he really wants to take a shower or if it's just to avoid his friends because of his escape. Last night's scene replays in his head, Minghao's smile, Minghao's hug, the fact he came out for the first time. _Coming out_. These two tiny words twist his stomach and increase the temperature around. _It's okay Jun, it's okay._ Breathing, that's all he needs to do. He'll see about the rest later. He doesn't really startle when Minghao's hand touch his shoulder. It's more like an aknowledgment of his presence, a slight adaptation to the other skin. He turns the head, eyes a little widened, and faces his smile. "Hey."Minghao smiles. _Again_. Suddenly, Junhui wonders if sometimes he does not smile. Maybe it's contagious, because the corners of his lips slightly rise up and he already feels better. Minghao takes his hand back, looks down on Junhui's towel. When he follows his glance, Junhui notices the canvas under his arm, and the tiny bag on his shoulder. "I know a much better place than the shared showers if it can interest you. Less dirty, quieter", the smile turns mischievous and he turns on a dirt track, loosing in the woods. Junhui follows him. Minghao has this attractiveness he can't quite explain. Something reassuring, peaceful, _magic_. He doesn't seem real, and still, he's the realest Junhui has ever needed anyone to be.

They walk in silence for a few minutes, Minghao nimbly avoiding branches and roots on the floor, Junhui somehow following as good as he can. The birds chirping are deafened with a cascade sound, and after a final step, they find each other on a pebble beach by a river. Stunned, Junhui freezes for a moment, amazed by the peaceful scenery. Minghao turns to him with an amused smile, puts down his stuff and takes his shoes off. "There you can wash yourself in peace. I won't look, don't worry." He turns away and dives his feet in the water, walking counter-current, closing his eyes to let himself be stroked by the breeze. Junhui finally comes back to reality, starts taking his clothes off. He doesn't even feel embarrassed nor uncomfortable. Minghao puts him at ease. Maybe that's how it feels to not having anything to hide. When Minghao finally comes back to the shore, his eyes fall on Junhui's bare chest for a second and his smiles slightly fades. He blinks and smiles again, finally looking at Junhui in the eyes. Junhui feels himself blushing, but he puts that on the heat. That's it, it's too hot. Minghao perches himself on a rock that is higher than the water lever, jumps from this one to another, spins on himself, dances. "You know Jun... May I call you Jun?", he glares at Junhui for an approval, smiles when he nods, "You know Jun, I think there's two options in this life. In fact there's thousands of other ones, but two main options, at least." Junhui thinks he's about to slip on an unsteady rock, but Minghao perfectly adapts his balance and goes on with his choreography. "You can either stay aside, keep yourself apart and hide what you don't wanna show. Stay in a tiny equilibrium that could break at any moment. Live with the constant burden, the constant fear of falling down." Suddenly, after a graceful spin, he jumps in the water, splashing the void around, diving his feet again. He looks at Jun straight in the eyes. "But if you finally fall, it'll be painful. Cause you're not used to the water. You're not used to this common floor. You're not used of showing what you used to hide. Whereas if you have walked in the water since the starting point, you won't have to get through the falling phase. Of course, in the beginning, you'll have to adapt to the small rocks under your feet. Those tiny details that can sometimes hurt. But with time, you won't sense anything anymore. You'll be able to pass above the small pain, you will adapt to the temperature, to the sensations of this life you'll choose to live." He bends down to catch a rock, looks at it for a second and throws it further. When he looks up, he finds Junhui astonished. The words spin in his head. "You understand what I mean?", Minghao's voice is so hushed and gentle Junhui almost doesn't hear it. But he nods, feels his heart beating crazily. He nods and lets the word ink deep down in him, take a place he'll keep forever. He doesn't immediately notice how Minghao's eyes drag on him before he whispers, voice tender and shy "You should take your shower before it's too hot."

What he does. But for the few minutes he gets a bit further, he misses Minghao's voice. He sees his feet dancing on the rocks. It was graceful, it was nimble. He starts wondering if Minghao didn't master this art for years before finally accepting to walk in the water. Because after seeing him dancing on the rocks, he seemed as much comfortable in the water, sun reflecting against his skin, shining like a diamond, caressing his ankles. When Junhui comes back, Minghao is sitting on the shore, making ricochets with stones that don't even bounce once. "At least there's one thing you're not skillfull at", chuckles Junhui. It came naturally. He likes the surprise on Minghao's face when he looks at him. A surprise that immediately turns in a smile. He keeps their eyes linked when he asks blankly "Have you ever kissed a boy, Jun?". The water was fresh, cooled him down, but a wave of heat comes to his face in a finger snap. He'd like to lie, but he can't. He shakes the head, obeys when Minghao invites him to sit down. _Tudum. Tudum. Tudum_. It's starting to beat a bit crazy inside him. Gently, softly, Minghao puts a hand on his nape and tugs him closer.

It's good. So much better he imagined it. Junhui never really liked kisses before, only figured out why the day he realized it was not the action of kissing itself that he didn't like, it was _who_ he kissed. But he _loves_ this kiss. It reminds him of spring days, when flowers bloom and birds come out of their nests, when you can open the window in the morning and tell yourself "It's gonna be a good day" because the sky is blue and you can just _feel_ it. He'd like to think everything's gonna be okay when his tongue meets Minghao's one, when his hand finds his waist to pull him closer, when even the stones under them seem comfortable. Minghao's fingers play with his hair, Minghao smells good. Paint and maybe peach. Or is it rose? He can't tell. His back doesn't hurt even a bit when he lies down, forgetting the sun hitting the both of them with an awoken strength, hearing nothing but his heart beating, erasing the river. His legs intertwine with Minghao's, his hand goes up on his back, he senses his smile against his lips. It's good.

A phone buzzes, the river uproar comes back. It takes them back to reality, forces them to break apart. Lightheaded, lost, _happy_ , Junhui genuinely smiles and catches his phone to shut the buzzing. "Yeah? Oh, hum, yeah, I lost my way but someone just told me how to get back. Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. Sorry." _I lost my way but someone just told me how to get back_. Maybe he meant it more than wanted. He puts the phone down, smiles again, looks at Minghao. Really _looks_ at him, allowing himself to see his beauty. It's maybe the most beautiful smile he's ever made. He knows this one is for him. They both hush, admire each other. A lonely sweat drop runs along Minghao's temple and Junhui wipes it away, resting his hand for a moment, sensing the soft skin under his fingers. "I should go... they're waiting for me." Minghao nods and gets up, reaching for his hand. Pointing at his painting stuff still lying on the floor, Minghao chuckles "I'll stay a bit longer, will it be okay to get back?" Junhui nods, sadly takes his hand back. His towel seems as light as a feather when he picks it up and throws Minghao one last smile before entering the woods. "Jun, your hair!" Raising a hand, he giggles when he touches the wild streaks, Minghao's fingers print still inked in them. He waves and goes back to the hidden path.

It seems unreal. Will he wonder if it really happened everytime he'll leave Minghao? Junhui shrugs to himself. Maybe it doesn't really matter. His lips are a bit swollen, his back is waking up and complains about the pebbles. He still smells Minghao's perfume, in his mind. Their location is much closer than he remembered, and he isn't really out of his thoughts when Mingyu throws him a backpack, a cigarette hanging between two fingers. "Put your shoes on, we're going out for a trekking." Everyone seems ready to leave, and when Junhui is finally ready, Soonyoung points at the sky and lets his voice resonate in the whole forest. "Let's go for the fresh air!"

The fresh air. That's what Junhui needs right now, to reassemble his ideas. But he figures out it will be delayed when Vernon catches up on him, gently elbowing him. "Are you okay? You left quite hurriedly yesterday." Maybe he could just tell him. Maybe he could just tell the truth so that he'll be done with it. A simple phrase, a few words. Walking in the water. But the rocks are steady for today. "I wasn't feeling good, that's it. I just have to adapt on being on holidays, I guess. Was the rest of the night good? I didn't hear you coming back." Vernon nods, focuses on the conversation going on between the other boys for a second and looks back at Junhui. The sun makes his tanned skin deliciously glow up when he smiles. "I had to play the babysitter with Soonyoung and Jihoon, and Mingyu disappeared. Josh took care of Cheol, they stayed a bit longer." Mingyu's laugh ends the conversation as they all take part of the current topic, which is "why employees should have the right to take more smoking breaks", and which concerns Mingyu and Mingyu only. "I'd probably smoke too if we had special breaks!", happily claims Soonyoung, gaining a slap of Jihoon on the shoulder. "You're a student and you can't even stand the smell of it you dumbass", he mutters with a smile, smirking at the way his friend rubs his arm.

They didn't walk for really long, before Junhui notices the river. They've been following it from the road, and when the sound finally brings him back to Minghao, he almost trips on his feet. It could not be so easy to empty his mind. 

~

Joints hoarse and skin burned, the sun is already setting down when they come back to the camping. Feet screaming of pain, bellies begging for food, it seems like a second of eyes shut could rock them to sleep. Something new grew in Junhui during the day. A conviction, a certitude than he somehow _can_ do it. Doesn't have a clear definition of what _do_ is, but knows he can. And that thing kept him walking, hushed the pain and tiredness, lightened his backpack. "I'm gonna get some food! Wait for me." Six pairs of eyes follow him as he immediately leaves their site after putting his stuff in the tent. He could almost whistle, feeling himself again. The old Junhui isn't someone else, someone different from the new one, he just had to catch up, to adapt, to transform. Not let his place to someone else. And he's coming. Looking down on the gravels and few garbage, he bumps in someone head first, more shocked of the impact than the sudden pain in his skull. Paintbrushes fall on the floor, he recognizes the hands that reach for them. He looks up and meets Minghao's eyes. The sun adorned his face with a golden tint, has lost pigments in his irises. "I'm sorry", mouthes Junhui, not really meaning it. He crouches down to pick the brushes up, doesn't care when his fingers lace with Minghao's for a second. "At three in the morning, meet me at the party place." A second of inattention could've made him not hear it. It's whispered so low, just like a breath, but Junhui's blood warms up when the words infiltrate his ears. He nods and stands up to make his way, as if nothing happened. He looks behind once, to see Minghao quietly walking with a blank canvas under the arm. He didn't pain.

The food is good. The beer too. The heat enjoyable. Joshua sings for them, Jihoon joins him after a few empty cans. Vernon's head lolls to the side, Soonyoung leaves to his tent. Mingyu excuses himself and escapes to who knows where. Jihoon and Joshua are immerged in their private concert, leaving Seungcheol and Junhui almost alone. Tapping a slow melody on his can, the eldest dares to take Junhui out of his thoughts. "You changed Junnie. It seems like it's good to you." It surprises him for a second, but the next one a smile already stretches his lips. He nods, feeling the peace invade himself. He can do it. Walk in the water. He offers Seungcheol a thankful smile and gets up to take Vernon to the tent. The moon is shining bright, but the night isn't advanced enough. He has to wait, to turn again and again on his side. The hour on his phone won't change. The silence reigns around the tents, even the crickets went to sleep when the clock turns to 2:45. Enough. Silently, he escapes, makes as less noise as he can on the gravel and runs to the place. He doesn't really know why his heart is beating so fast. The adrenaline, maybe.

Or more probably the will to see Minghao's smile. He's already there, glooming under the neon lights. Purple, pink, blue, green, orange, every colour suits him. For a second, Junhui wonders why he made them meet here, and then he notices there's no one else. The music is still playing, the lights still shining on the dance floor, but no one on it. No one but them. Minghao's smile grows wider when Junhui approaches, not quite sure of how to behave after what happened in the morning. Quickly but still so gently, Minghao catches his hand, puts his other one on his nape and drags him on the woodened dance floor. Junhui can't help but smile, tugs his waist closer and feels breathing again when Minghao leans his forehead on his shoulder. The song is a slow one, Minghao leads the dance, tickles his fingers. There's no need to talk. Junhui doesn't dare to break the balance, doesn't dare to slide a hand up and tug Minghao closer to kiss him. "Thank you, for what you told me", he just whispers that, next to his ear and provokes a shiver. Minghao squeezes his hand and straightens up the head, smile nostalgic and sweet. "That's just my point of view, a try to help you dealing with your thoughts." Here they are. As response, Junhui cuts down the distance between their two faces and kisses Minghao. It's still as good, maybe even more delightful since he's the one to take the initiative. Gently spreading Minghao's lips open, their tongues meet, dance just like them, slowly loosing the rhythm. Junhui rummages through the soft black hair, plants his boiling palm on the small of Minghao's back. Their hips roll, their legs intertwine to sequence their dance steps. Junhui didn't notice, but Minghao slowly pushed the both of them to the bottom of the dance floor, and soon enough his back is stuck between a wall and Minghao's body, caging him in a burning jail. Shyly at first, his hand doesn't last to be at ease when he slides it under Minghao's shirt, letting out a small groan as he bites his lower lip. It seems like he found something he didn't think he needed so bad, something he didn't know could be so good. For months he thought he didn't deserve anything for being an anomaly, he didn't deserve to be happy, nor even be accepted. But when Minghao kisses his neck, slowly descends to his collarbone and lets a vivid mark on it, when Minghao caresses his back in a way no one ever did, Junhui thinks _I'm in the right to get that, I deserve it too._ The whimper he lets out when Minghao starts playing with his belt is echoed with a scream that breaks them apart. "What are you doing here?! Go get a goddamn room or I'm calling the cops!" If there's amusement painted in Minghao's eyes, Junhui, for sure, cools down in a second and feels the panic flooding him just as fast. His hand is caught and he has no other choice than following Minghao, exhilarated, back to the eternal gravel path, empty from life. Even the crickets went to sleep. 

"I thought we were alone", pants Junhui, bending down to catch his breath but clinging on Minghao's hand as if his life was depending on it. Minghao chuckles, takes a deep breath and softly pulls on his hand to make him straighten up. His free hand finds his cheek and caresses it with fondness flooding his eyes. "You did it Jun", he mouthes before kissing him again, sharing their oxygen, hand sliding to his nape. "I did what?" He doesn't even wait for an answer. He wants to have Minghao's lips on his again and again. He smiles, kisses him on last time before breaking apart to stick their foreheads together. He looks _proud_. Such a development compared to one night ago, when the simple fact of seeing that Minghao wasn't disgusted of him made Junhui cried. "You dared, you walked in the water. There's still some way to dive your legs in it, but it's a great start", it could be the breeze in the twigs or the conversations between the owls. It sounds like a whisper, a simple draft. But the words print deep down in Junhui. He did it. _I did it_. "Thanks to you", gratitude slips down his lips as he tries to kiss Minghao again. "You're the one and only there is to thank." He pulls Minghao closer, hides his face in the hollow of his neck, smells this still unclear perfume, softly kisses the tender skin. "I should go now", he says. The words stroke Junhui's hair, and despite their meaning Minghao still hugs him tight, not letting go of him, allowing their hearts to beat in chorus, skimming as their chests lift up. "I should too." But still, arms keep tightening waists and backs, faces stay hidden in hair and neck. A low voice, not so far away, break the peaceful and yet heavy silent as well as their embrace, feet shuffling on the gravel and approaching. The grips loosen and their eyes meet again. There's so much Junhui would like to say, and right now, he hopes his eyes can tell enough of the words he doesn't know how to pronounce. In such a short time lapse he learned how to decode Minghao's smiles, and at the sight of the one he offers him right now, he can say his eyes spoke well. When he kisses him one last time, so very gently it almost tickles, he mouthes a last _thank you_ , keeps his hands sliding away until the moment he can't hold Minghao's anymore if he really wants to go. Minghao speaks with his lips, Junhui does with his eyes, that's something written in them, making them who they are, and for once maybe even his eyes can't really say goodbye. He turns around, closing his eyes, now perfectly knowing the way to his tent, tries to print the picture of Minghao deep in him, in his heart, in his memory forever. 

It wasn't even labelled as farewells. But that's something he knows, without being able to explain it. He knows he won't see Minghao again, he knows it will just stay as a sweet taste on his lips. When he enters the tent, Vernon seems to wake up halfway, squints to see who he is. He turns on his other side and mumbles "You've got a mosquito bite on the collarbone" before running to Morphé's arms again. Junhui lies down, stares at the ceiling of his temporary home, imagining the stars he didn't even feel the need to look at tonight. Laying a hand on his collarbone, he senses the slight blistering, senses the exact place Minghao put his lips on. "A mosquito bite, yeah", he whispers. Slumber doesn't last to bring him to Morphé too. 

~

"Seungcheol got a call, we need to go back to Seoul in the afternoon", is the first thing Junhui hears when he wakes up. Some of them sigh, disappointed to miss an other opportunity to have some fun, Junhui smiles. It makes sense, he thinks. They pack their stuff, say goodbye to the empty place their tents were installed, Junhui says goodbye to much more. On their way to the cars, Junhui tries to glimpse jet black hair disappearing somewhere, perfectly knowing he won't. This time, he doesn't blame himself when gravels enter his shoes, this time he kicks a ball when kids throw it too far, he smiles at the scent of sunscreen. Everyone seem exhausted despite the few time they spent here, and it makes him smile again. It turned out in such an unexpected way for him, he leaves the place with more energy than when he arrived. Maybe that's not really energy, more like confidence. Or just love? Love or confidence? He can't tell. He can't tell if he learned how to be proud of who he is or if he learned how to love himself how he is. Anyway, he walked in the water. 

Let's go deeper. 

"Guys, there's something I need to tell you."

**Author's Note:**

> hi folks!
> 
> i honestly hope you liked this one. this one shot, which i gave a specific care to make it great, has actually a lot of meaning to me. i've put a lot of personal thoughts in it, either through minghao or junhui, and genuinely hope it could perharps have helped some of you that may struggle with the same /thing/ *vague hand gesture*
> 
> as always, please let me know if you liked it, or even if you didn't, that's fine! i'm taking every feedback there's to take, particularly with a subject that is so personal and sensitive!
> 
> and take care, thank you for reading until there ♡


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